youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize