I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
