oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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