dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
