im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
