She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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