This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
