my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
