carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
