I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
