Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
