And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
