My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
