u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this just has baby written all over it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
