I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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