Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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