How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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