You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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