I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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