I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
