you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize