I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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