why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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