that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
