I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
