R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
