I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
