I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
