dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize