Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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