I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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