I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize