why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
