How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
