My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
