I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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