if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have fence marks all over my body
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
