I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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