If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
