OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
