I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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