Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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