She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
