his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
