I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
