Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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