you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
