I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
