my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
