I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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