I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
