Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
