We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
