I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
