You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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