Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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