ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
