I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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