you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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