Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
