I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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