she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize