More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
