Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
