i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
