We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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