it wasn't lemon gatorade
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you didnt know i had herpes?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
