her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
