There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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