I just saw a hot homeless man
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
