I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
