I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
