Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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