I could make wine with my vomit
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
