sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
