She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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