I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize