We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize