this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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