I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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